Man and the infeted of AIDS narrate: The chance belongs to the person insisting on saving oneself

Man and the infeted of AIDS narrate: The chance belongs to the person insisting on saving oneself

" my despair is with living again "
Once, he was perplexed, frightened, helpless for having infected with AIDS, even chose to finish one's own life; Nowadays, he passes by that section of psychological crises, bravery, in the face of " takes ending " Life
" the international the intersection of pioneer and Leader " the intersection of reporter and money interview, put in order I call Kowloon Liu, male, come from in Jiangxi countryside a little. Work as a temporary labourer in my pearl trigonometry as graduate junior middle school. In 2005, I began to find oneself a bit unnatural - -The friends around me all like girls, I can like boys. Perhaps it is that the educational level is not high, I did not know this is homosexuality, saw a lot of homosexual introductions on the net later, I accept slowly oneself is this reality of the homosexuality.
" I originally thought that selling the blood will catch AIDS "
I had only two sexual behaviors, because of some responses on the body later, I returned to homeland on the Spring Festival of 2007. Having done venereal disease to check in the local hospital, the doctor is after symptom seen by me, advise me to do HIV to measure.
On the 27th of March, my city disease in the native place accused of in the center make, check, received the examining report on the 2nd of April. That day I remembered forever, the April Fool's Day just passed, I thought at that time: Will not this joke continue? But receive the then carvesing of the examining report, my heart " click " Sink.
I still play the conversation in a gay manner in the hospital, a doctor says: "Xiao Liu, although you light so to make now, maybe go out, your tears will fall down. " He is right, needn't go out, is turning round to face away from his then carvesing, I can not control, the tears spin ceaselessly. It rained so heavily that day, can not see way in front like my life the dark sky.
I do not fear death, has thought of parents, close one's eyes, two expressions in one's eyes which old men looks forward to, just in my brain, father is over 70 years old, mother is more than 60 years old. About every November, they will ask when I will come back home to celebrate the New Year, when to get married. I know that can not finish this task now. In the past, I thought AIDS very far from me, I thought the talents who only sold the blood may get AIDS, and never know AIDS will spread in this kind of group of ours, including that university student with me, he has not done the safety measure either.
In the following one and a half months, I divided it three times to buy 30 slices of sleeping pills. The shop assistant who sells medicine asks me whether I want to commit suicide, he does not dare to sell to me more. To tell the truth, I am afraid of the blood, if choose to bleed, may bring disaster to the innocent people, sleeping pill left after leaving, nothing. I had not wanted to commit suicide at once at that time, knew later AIDS will not die at once, I am collecting together these medicines first, if which day is not all right for me, take these medicines. To tell you the truth, I really ate up these 30 slices of medicines later, but been rescued back.
After making a definite diagnosis of, I am very desperate for a time. At Guangzhou, I'm afraid reach people more, bright place, I thought the light very dazzling at that time, feel that is laughing at you, I have got back to the hometown under the pressure of the pressure.
Having stayed at home for two months, I do not dare to see mother's expression in one's eyes, think unfair to her. Getting tired to all one's life, hope only son can become pieces of house, embrace pieces of grandson, do not really dare to look, will see that kind of TV play which describes the kindred and will all shed the tears.

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